Saturday, May 31, 2008

1Thing Every Man Should Master

Esquire Magazine recently posted a piece called "The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master". Well I have one thing that I believe every man should master and it's this:

Don't Ever Let The Media Tell You How To Be A Man

...ain't no more to it

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Malcom X & Shaq In The Booth

Are you an artist? Do you want to know how to make someone pay attention to you in a world full of musicians? Easy. Claim that you "sound like Malcolm X and Shaq making music together". It will make somebody pay attention. It's better than saying you sound like Jim Jones mixed with 2Pac or some other boring bullshit. Who wouldn't want to hear what Malcolm X and Shaq sounded like if they were making music together?!

If you are interested here is the man's page on

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Fuck A T Shirt

Thanks to Chris for making me feel compelled to write about this topic of marketing. I think I first got the desire to touch on this on Sunday morning when I sat down for breakfast. I opened up the paper, read the news, and then made my way to the ad's.

I checked out Circuit City's advertisements and checked out the new album releases. I don't know why really, why would I buy a damn CD? But anyway, I saw Bun B's new album II Trill was coming out (great album by the way). Along with the picture of the cover art it had a picture of a t-shirt with the cover art on it. OK, a free t-shirt with your purchase of Bun B's new album (while supplies last of course).

Hello, you, at the record label. Do you want to know what happens to these shirts? They become the lining for a bird cage, a rag to wipe dust off of shit in my room and a bunch of other things that don't include being worn.

Why should I wear this t-shirt? Is the album art particularly attractive? No. Will it make my friends think I'm cool? No. Will it clothe me? Yes. Did I want an article of clothing when I purchased a CD though? No. I can't blame you decision makers at record labels too much though. What can you do to make a person buy a CD nowadays anyway? Maybe offer a free eight ball and a coupon for the local prostitute.

But seriously, nothing can really help the sale of CD's. As far as other products go though, shirts with your logo, don't work. I don't want the shit, even if it's free. Unless you are going to make a creative t-shirt like this to promote your brand, save the hands of these third world children. I will not be a walking billboard for you. Neither will most of my generation. I'm sure some 40 year old out there that wears the first thing he sees in the morning would wear a t-shirt with Bun B's album cover plastered on the front, but not this 21 year old that wants to get some more ass this century.

The only way I would wear your album cover on my chest is if it was that one that I lead this post with.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Me Love's In A List

  1. When the patch on my Levi's gets worn. I believe it's a good indicator that you have done some living when this happens.
  2. Smucker's Natural Peanut Butter. It tastes damn good.
  3. The Orlando Magic. Add 20 numbers to Dwight Howard's jersey and you get 32. Shaq's jersey number. Coincidence? Nuh-uh.
  4. Gain Without Pain (sometimes).
  5. Movie theater popcorn. Killing myself never tasted so good.
  6. Girl Scout Thin Mint's. Same reasoning as before.
  7. Pointing out that Stuart Scott of ESPN has a glass eye.
  8. Seth Godin books. I wish I had his insight when I was selling drugs.
  9. Yes! I've been looking for thiourea dioxide forever. And Amazon sold out of red locomotives
  10. Roger Clemens. I had no idea it would be this fun to use "misremember" in conversations. Thanks Rocket!
  11. Twitter. Following people without making them run or take quick turns is awesome.
  12. Doing random shit (ending lists when I get to odd numbers, and by odd I mean this even number 12).

Friday, May 2, 2008

The Truth Is Out There (Cue X-Files Music)

(Note: The following post is not written by The JK. It is written by Trickah. A female who claims to have knowledge about The JK, not known to the public. Read with suspended belief until I have time to counter this attack on my character.)

JK is full of himself, and you people out here on the internet are not
helping this guy humblify his wacktitude at all. I understand that
people deserve credit where it is due but this guy here, its all a
front. He's actually a three hunnid fiddy pound hairy beast of a man
who sits around in his underpants all day googling up witty things to
say. ZOMG, he annoys me non-stop with his big ass ego...he is 5 brags
away from being BLOCKED! Anyway, I just wanted yall to know the truth
and hopefully this guy will finally get over himself. Oh yeah, if you
ever get the chance to exchange some choice words with this
gobble-dee-goop pelase tell him to GOY (Get over Yourself)

Top 5 reasons JK needs to GOH, Get Over Himself:

5. His music sounds like babies who have mad diarrhea with the booty
water straight blarbling, with 808 beats in the background and some
samplings of old prostitutes queefing.

4. His nudes are totally photoshopped, he uses Extenze but it didn't he used that stretch/skew tool on photoshop or some shit. He
can't even work the Myspace angles.

3. Hes all up on the internet making his presence known, thats only
because he thinks more exposure equals equals
interNERD 3.0.

2. He thinks hes so cutting edge, but don't get it twisted. He knows
nothing about nothing! All this smarmy "oh I write" " oh i make music"
"oh i got hoes" "oh i'm so funny" BOO...I seriously think
this guy hasa distorted view of whats what cause let me tell you, If I saw him on
the street, I'd totally jack this foo for all his new fangled gadgets
and whatnot and he'd cry. He'd totally cry and run like a girl.

1. He enjoys reciting Lil Wayne - Lollipop. This song annoys the
SHITCACABOOBOOSTANK outta me!! I cannot stand it, and this guy insists
that it is the greatest song ever made to get girls panty pudding
flowing. I think NOT. Perhaps Lil' Wayne inspires him, perhaps he is
looking for his Birdman? coooo cooooooooo Cash money is an army? Don't
ask don't tell...

So JK, please GOY!!! before you get to 30 and become one of those
douches who are floating off the ground cause their heads so big but
their game ain't proper. (you know i luuuhhhh you bee)